Talking about things in my life

I haven't been writing for a really long time...
But there's not much to tell.

I'm working- doing projects for my diploma [advertistment poster and display for 'the Name of the Rose' film], reading new book to make another cover then.

The truth is, that I'm not drawing much at all. Yeah. I'm missing it, but I can't, I'm not in mood for drawing. I mean, that I'm doing small sketches and stuff, as usual, but I'm not doing bigger works.
Also, I'm really afraid of things at school.

And another thing is, that I have problems with myself. No, I'm not trying to hide it. Also I'm working with, trying to do something about, but it needs time and it's hard. I've recieved pills from my psychiatrist [yean, now it's not psychologist only].
I've enough of illnes, I still think that I'm ill, that I got cancer, or something other's wrong with me. The truth is that I've got Irritable Bowel Syndrome and in opinion of my doctor I also have vegetative neurosis, and because of this I have problems with my stomache. Psychiatrist isn't sure what's wrong with me, because I had one visit only, and another will be next week- she doesn't have much information about me yet.

I'm not happy. Ok, I'm really happy that I have someone who loeves me, that I love someone, but I have enough of my thoughts about illnes/conspiracy/and stuff. It makes me feel exhausted. I can't be happy of something, because one moment later I feel my stomache, or I see someone who looks unfamiliar... I even don't know if I really feel it or if my mind wants me to feel pain. I have enough of pain.
But also I have problem, because I don't want to stop. I won't stop care about my health, but I'm tired of it at the same moment.

Another thing is- that I hate people. I'm afraid of and I hate them. I'm afraid of living where I live, because I'm afraid that someone will kill me, there will be bomb, or something. And because of this I have panic attacks too. I don't trust people.

Also, in my more free than free time, I'm playing Ragnarok Online on new ExcaliburChROnicles server.
You can register here
control panel and registration

Join us :]

I don't have much time, so I haven't been playing by myself, but I watched when my Beloved was playing new Polish game- The Witcher.
It looks like- wow o.o It has mistakes, but I still want to play it when I'll have more free time xD [during summer break? XD]

That's all for today.
Take Care.


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