Shit. Don't read.

It starts again...
I don't know if I'm paranoidical or something... But it looks like I am...
Something's wrong with my imagination... In my opinion everyone's evil, everyone's able to kill me, everyone hates me and each bad thing have to happen to me... Also, when someone's trying to be kind for me, I am thinking if that person wants to hurt me... Or when things are going ok, I am worried, because I am sure that something really bad must happen... Even, when something good happends- I am sure, that I didn't all what I was able to do or that it's nothing what I have done...
I don't believe that I can do something valueable, and I don't know how and if I want to change it...
With everything I does- I hurt the closest person for me... Mostly my Parents and my Boyfriend.... I hurt them especially when I am angry, something I'm doing goes wrong on, or when I have any complex... I hate myself because of thins, but I don't know how and if I am able to change... I make them hurt ._.
Because of my vcomplexes, ofmy problems with myself,my Boyfriend became more sad and he start totalk that he's useless, because he can't do anything with me- I don't want to listen ._. It's like I'm feeling comfortable in this way, but I'm not, but I can't stop, I don't know why ;_; I hurt many persons who wanted to help me... To other I'm not listening to...
I'm feeling really lonely ._.
I want to change myslef, but it's so damn hard, each time I'm trying everything goes wrong ._. Once I changed, for a little of time, but then again something wrong happend, or rather was happening for a really long time, and it made me don't believe in good.... I am mad ._.
Again I hurted my Boyfriend, I didn't want to, but I did, I don't know, why I'm doing it, why I am so frustrated, why I am trying to be bad for Him just because many ppl were bad for me... ._. I hate myself because of that. Really hate.
I am afraid of Death, but each day I want to, because I'm so useless and afraid of everything around me that is not easy ._. I am afraid of illness, of ppl, that an accident may happen, of everything...
I have enough of this shit, but I don't know how to stop ._.

There were persons who hurt me recently, I am sure of, but I shouldn't act in this way to the most important persons in my life ._.
I just had to write this stuff somewhere, I really needed to do it...

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